Long term happiness and productivity is the aim, and the wheels have been set in motion. But what about the short term? What about now?
My interview for St John Ambulance was great, and now I just need to wait the 6 weeks for my CRB check to clear. Although it's only 6 weeks, that is hell of a long time to just 'wait'. This is kind of what I mean, I have ideas for the future and that's great. I will enjoy that when the time comes. But what about now? That's where I'm struggling. There is nothing for now and it's because I've been too busy planning for the future, but as the old saying goes; tomorrow never comes.
For some reason it's been wired into my brain that the key to happiness and fulfilment lies with what I plan to do, and to a certain extent that will be key to my happiness, but for then and not now. It seems that I need to change this way of thinking and start doing things for today, for now. If I don't then I'm always only going to be 'happy in the future'.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here, it's not so easy to put into words. It just seems like a massive realisation to me. A better way to put it might be that we all have stuff to look forward to, but what do we do while we wait for them? Nothing is probably the answer, and then once this exciting event passes we again do nothing until the next exciting event. I think the true source of happiness is either from enjoying this 'nothing' or from turning this 'nothing' into something, not from collecting a series of events so that we can brag about them. I always think I would enjoy doing nothing, but in all honesty it sends me stir crazy and saps everything from me, leaving nothing left to enjoy the moment. Is this what they call motivation?
I'm struggling with motivation, probably because I'm planning for the future at the moment. I'm trying to get things to fall into place, but these things are long term and it leaves nothing for the short term except for existing, and this doesn't provide me with any happiness or fulfilment. It is also much easier to commit to something in 6 weeks time because I don't have to face it now, giving the illusion of motivation.
So. In short, I have no motivation for the now. When the future does rock around, I will feel compelled to do whatever it is I had planned because it would be harder to back out. This doesn't sound like something I want to do. I want to volunteer because I enjoy it and I get fulfilment out of it, not because I thought it would be a good idea six weeks ago.
How do I go about changing this view? I will let you know when I find out, I feel I'm not the only one out there with this problem.
This isn't really what I wanted to do in this post and I'm not sure it's achieved what I wanted (I may come back to it when I've had a bit more of a think about it). It has turned into a bit of a jumbled rant and I doubt even I could make sense of it if I were to read over it again and I do apologise, but I feel my this may be key to my success some day and should be posted.
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On a lighter note to end, I tried to get some information from Cancer Research UK about their fund raising processes and now they seem to think I want to raise £10,000 for them and won't stop ringing me. I don't know how I manage to get myself into these sticky situations.
I will actually try to leave it a week before I post anything else, I get a bit carried away!
Until then, have a good weekend!
Phil
Philip, it seems to me that maybe you've forgotten that although plans and the future are important, it should not be at the expense of living today. I know when I get like that, I end up miserable.
ReplyDeleteTo para-phrase from one of Bill Waterstone's comic strips "it's not enough to seize the day, you've got to seize the day and throttle it" or in other words finish every day with grass stains on your knees.
For me I try to live by these words "fear the life half lived". If that is not enough then phone me.
Hey this is pretty much what I've been debating recently I talkied about it some on one of my blog post but couldn't really artculate what I was trying to say. That I was looking forward to future events but that doesn't stop me from being bored right now, which I think is similar to what your saying.
ReplyDeleteI don;t know how you go about changing your view just because I'm having similar issues living in the now LOL
xoxo
Hey Stacie! Thanks for commenting :)
DeleteIt does sound like what you're experiencing is exactly what I tried to talk about. It's strange because although It's hit me that I am this way It's quite hard to go about changing, and I have to say I've made no real progress.
Maybe it's just we're in bad places at the moment, we're both waiting for something quite big to come along really and there isn't a lot to do in the mean time.
I will let you know if I find a miracle cure! Haha x