Not Quite Ready (Part 2)

Okay, It's been a while and I owe an apology. As to an explanation, well there is none.

Last time I teasingly mentioned I came ever so close to joining the ambulance service. It's time to let that cat out of its bag, it's been in there long enough!

I applied for a job as a dispatcher with the South West Ambulance Service (SWAS) at the control room in Almondsbury. The role would involve taking emergency 999 calls from patients, recording details for ambulances to be dispatched and giving life saving medical instruction. You may be wondering why this is all so exciting if I didn't get the job? Well, part of the selection involved listening in on real life 999 calls.

Yeah, this really is as incredible as it sounds and the nerve racking interview was worth it just for this alone. The environment was relaxed and friendly. I was assured it's like having a second family, and I can understand why. Dispatchers deal with some very difficult and sometimes harrowing situations, never knowing what may be on the other end of the phone. I had never given this much thought until recently and I understand why the selection standards are so high.

I am not going to let rejection put me off, this is a perfect avenue for exploration. Many people seem to go from taking calls to either dispatching ambulances or actually being on the road as emergency medical technicians. I would choose the latter, and from there it's just a short jump (tonnes of money and years at uni) to being a Paramedic!

On a slightly different note, I want to mention a realisation that came to me. Five, or even three years ago, I would never have even dreamed of going for a job like this. It shows how much more confident I have become since moving to uni. I find I have more drive to do things now, more of a need to go out and see if i can grab that banana, or even reach that orange. What's the point of just sitting there and munching on bark?

Something that I have noticed only very recently though is more profound. I am not entirely sure what triggered this sudden change, I always assumed something like this took years of dedication and hard work. Well, being content with myself and living in the now has become a reality. I don't need to rush at this, or anything for that matter. I have a whole lifetime ahead of me and that has more meaning for me now than it ever has before. I am happy just being, doing things that must be done. Getting enjoyment out of the most mundane tasks. I've let go of everything that I don't need and I am moving on.

Two main elements stand out. I have goals for the future. I have memories and lessons from the past, but the rest, well that's in the past and I don't need to carry that around. Being here, now, that's what counts and that's what frees up the drive to reach my goals.

The only negative I can't draw from not knowing what brought this change on is that it may not last forever. As a result of this, I am actively pursuing (successfully in some cases) things that will help my career prospects and my sense of worth right now. Those pursuits that end up not so successful don't matter. Take the lessons and steal the show next time!

Sometimes it is just necessary to stop, look around and take a deep breath. That is where I am right now and after, I can continue with renewed vigour having benefitted from the wisdom around me.

Moments with a Purpose, or Just Coincidences?

This doesn't have a purpose, other than to help both you and I pass a little time. But then, does anything really have a purpose?

I thought I'd write about a little misadventure I had on Monday which I expect may give one or two of you a wee chuckle. Although on the surface it's quite a humorous story about how cruel Karma can be, it resonates a little deeper with myself.

After managing to lock someone in the house for an hour (yes, apparently it does happen) I decided to go for a run and I was only gone twenty minutes, tops. To my dismay, the house was locked upon my return with no signs of life from within. I even attempted the rather cliché stone throw at one of the windows (which quickly backfired as I watched it, realising it had to return to earth via either my face or my car). I spent half an hour in hope that somebody was still inside, banging on the door and letterbox. I decided to give up around the time my grumpy neighbour came outside and glared at me on his way to the local shop.

So, it slowly dawned on me that I would have to wait this one out until somebody came home, probably about five hours later at 6.30pm. What on earth does someone do in the middle of October without money or a phone? Probably not this, anyway...

Still wearing only shorts and T-shirt (with rather shaggy looking hair and muddy trainers) I decided to hide in the woods. I successfully tramped around for an hour or so, playing on steep hills near the stream and climbing trees - yes, okay, I was pretending to be Bear Grylls. As fun as this was, I needed something with more of a purpose to occupy myself for the remaining four hours. I decided to walk to Clifton Suspension Bridge (what an idiot).

I managed to make it through town, across the fields on the downs and up the hill to the bridge without too much drama, although I did get pooed on by a bird just before flying down a slippery hill. There really wasn't anything of interest to see around here considering the dense fog and cold air surrounding me, but I sat around for an hour anyway. There was a worrying moment where a lone man kept looking over the edge of the bridge and I kept hoping that if someone were to jump, they wouldn't do it while I was there*.

For those of you that run, or have even been once, know how much your legs ache for days after unless you go regularly. Well, after a 2 mile run and 4 mile walk in the cold, mine had just about dropped off. Walking the 4 miles home was pure agony and I had to dig deep to keep going (I really was tempted to lay in a field and hope someone called me an Ambulance). My shoes and socks were soaked through from cutting across fields and my hands were numb by now. I arrived home at about 6pm and someone was in. I was SO relieved (until I found out they had been in since 4.30pm!).

Anyway, the moral of the story: keys unlock doors, take them with you when you go out!

On this occasion my experience had a purpose; it really did show me that I can persevere and keep going even when things are tough and I'm running on empty. This is an important lesson and I am more determined than ever to get fit and keep pushing as hard as I can with everything in my life, including becoming a Paramedic.

Phil

*The man left after a few minutes, probably just admiring the view (or lack-of thanks to the wall fog wall about a meter from his face).

News of No Meaty Substance

I wrote this a few days ago and after re-reading I wasn't sure if I should post it or not. It's a bit long winded and not particularly related to becoming a Paramedic. However, I think It's important to stick by something that you've written so here it is.

...

Well, I did it. I have been thirty consecutive days without eating meat as a full vegetarian (unless you count the small mishap with the Cognac Jelly). I never in a million years considered that I, of all people, would give up meat and meat related products. I always thought it would be a ridiculous struggle to constantly find food to eat and meals to cook whilst being unhealthy with a lack of protein. I thought it was stupid, meaningless even; a statement that people made just because they could, to stand out from the rest silently screaming "LOOK AT ME, I DON'T EAT MEAT - GIVE ME ATTENTION".

I was wrong, in so many ways.

I had been on my meatless diet for about five days before I went home to visit my family (this was the same trip that I forgot Jelly contained Gelatin). My Mother seemed to both relish in the challenge of feeding the whole family a vegetarian meal whilst at the same time she practically cried with despair. She couldn't get her head around what on earth she was meant to prepare! She managed it in the end, and very well too - thanks Mum! I think this is a fair representation of everyone's attitude to the vegetarian diet before they attempt it.

I'm not going to try and persuade you to try because it is a very personal decision, but I have noticed so many benefits. This experiment has changed my views and in many ways, my life too. I feel as though this is a false claim because I have no proof or nothing to compare it too (as I haven't had a chance to actually eat meat again yet) but I feel much healthier now. I have noticed that there seems to be less of a fog in my mind; things seem clearer and thoughts are easier to order. I have more energy and I feel happier. I am in a pretty rough, stressful situation at the moment with ever worsening financial burdens and no job, but I find I often have a slight smile on my face.

I honestly can't put this down to not eating meat completely, I have no idea. It's just a best guess due to the stress I'm under at the moment and the lack of sleep I seem to be getting. I'm not even sure if I am eating enough calories in a day (I have lost about 2 stone in the last 3 months). I chose a bad time to try this, but I am seriously glad I did because of the environmental and health impact.

However, I did find creating meat free meals was easy as pie! I ate the same but removed the meat, and maybe added in some fake Quorn crap or some beans. Job done.

Did I crave meat? Not really. Not even Chicken. I did miss it, and vegetarian Chinese take away wasn't quite the same but I dealt with it. But on the subject of cravings, ever since I started I haven't been able to get cheese off of my mind. Whilst writing this I have eaten about half a block and I still want more.

How will I carry this forward? I'm not sure as of yet. I will probably just continue, eating little meat - maybe restricting it to special occasions.

...

Okay, So I am really clawing for something to post about at the moment. There is literally very little worth discussing regarding progress towards the ultimate goal of this blog. However, this is a small achievement and right now, small achievements are what I need.

I hope I may have inspired you to challenge yourself a little, whether it be changing your diet or braving the cold to start that new exercise regime. I know that I have inspired one of my cousins to try going Veggie for a month. I wish her luck, as I know she likes her drunk food and gravy!

Have a good week,

Phil

(I have updated my Life List as required! I am thinking about a few things I'd like to add as we speak)

To Uni, or Not to Uni? That is the Question.

I am lacking the motivation to post anything of any great intelligence or thought here at the moment. I have been rummaging around and a few tentative ideas for posts have cropped up but they need more research and all of my energy is currently aimed at finding a job (or 'moping around' as one might call it).

A midst all of this though, I have been tossing about the idea of returning to University next year to just get on with my Paramedic Sciences degree. Fueled by several Paramedic blogs I have recently come across on the internet, my desire to get into this job is just getting stronger and stronger. I really am not sure what is driving me towards this, or if I will even be able to cope with the immense responsibility that stands on the incredibly wide shoulders of emergency care practitioners (I am working on a post that goes into detail on some of the issues that Paramedics and EMT's have to deal with).

This is such a huge decision in my life, I'm really not sure what to do right now. I almost want to just 'wait and see' but things like this don't wait around. The deadline for University applications falls in mid January, meaning that I need to complete an extensive UCAS application before then, including references and a well drafted personal statement. I'm wondering if this effort will be worth it, just to decide come August that I want to put off my (second) degree for X number of years. At the moment I think a main worry is the financial commitment. I will be paying more for this 2 year foundation degree than I paid for my 3 year undergraduate degree!

After believing that it's no longer possible to 'third man' with an Ambulance crew anymore, I had given up on the hope of gaining any experience of what it might be like to carry out a role in pre-hospital care. However, I have been informed by a friend that it is still possible within some Ambulance trusts! I have begun contacting some to see if there is a possibility of doing this. I will wait and see the outcome of this before making a firm decision on the University front. It's just difficult to see a future through the 'fog' at the moment. I think I need to change my perspective and stop trying to long term plan, just get on with it. The danger is though, that I end up stuck. It happens all the time. People apply for an office job to see them through temporarily, ten years and thirty five lbs later they're still sat at the same desk with the same intentions they've always had and no plans to put these into action. I will not be one of these!

This process of becoming a Paramedic is going to take longer than I had ever previously imagined. It's difficult to be proactive, with very little to do in the mean time.

My CRB check has come back clear from St John Ambulance, meaning that I should be able to book myself onto the training sessions required. Unfortunately, I may not be able to attend my weekly group meetings. It all rests on how well my Job Interview went that I'm waiting to hear about. That's the same reason this post is being done so late tonight, so I'm not tempted to imprint my whinging onto the internet tomorrow if I get rejected!

On a final note, I have been watching Kevin McCloud's Man Made Home on Channel 4. Quite inspiring. I've even caught myself looking at land prices...

For another week perhaps, over and out.

Introducing My Gallery

One of the many incredible Cuban sunsets taken from this deserted Treasure Island

 Just a quick post today before I write a more in depth one later this week. I basically wanted to introduce My Gallery (you can find a permanant link at the top of my blog in the navigation bar). I have decided to show off some of my photography on here in the hope that it might get a few more views than it currently does. Think of it as a bit of self advertisement! I may consider producing a better website for it in the future, but for now this'll do!

If you want to see more of my work, then please visit my Deviant Art Gallery. I would also be thrilled if you were to comment on them as I'm always looking for ways to improve and love hearing peoples opinions.

Thanks guys!

Phil