I Will NOT Be Normal!

So today I decided to give up and just get a normal job. I don't want to travel, I don't want to do what I love. I will plod along like a 'normal' person and just get through life.

Wait? Is that what people do? Is it really possible just to go with the flow and aim to reach the end of your life?

I'm sorry, but after thinking this through today, I am ADAMANT that this will not be me. I will make the absolute most out of every single second in possibly can. This might mean doing things I love like scrambling up mountains, sitting in a log cabin, building my own house or working in a job that I want to do. Or it might mean sulking and wallowing in self misery to give me the kick I need to lift my head and carry on. I will not be dragged through life with just enough to get by.

I WILL become a Paramedic.

I WILL travel the world.

I WILL build my own house.

I WILL do the things I want to do in order to live an amazing, purposeful life that has not been squandered. Some people aren't given the incredible gift of a pretty much guaranteed 80 year life expectancy. Some people have to fight for it while others waste it.

I can't say I am perfect but I try my utmost best to live these core values and every day I fail makes me more determined to do better in the future.

It's not easy to inspire this kind of feeling in someone, it often takes a life changing moment or some incredible insight into yourself. I have been inspired by the people I have met and deep down I see and feel what I describe but consciously it takes a lot more effort to live by these principles. My current aim is to make progress in this area, to feed off the inspiration and drive and get to where I want in life. To make the most out of every waking minute.

This video really makes you think too: http://elitedaily.com/life/motivation/this-video-uses-jelly-beans-show-you-how-much-youre-wasting-your-life-video/

Not Quite Ready (Part 2)

Okay, It's been a while and I owe an apology. As to an explanation, well there is none.

Last time I teasingly mentioned I came ever so close to joining the ambulance service. It's time to let that cat out of its bag, it's been in there long enough!

I applied for a job as a dispatcher with the South West Ambulance Service (SWAS) at the control room in Almondsbury. The role would involve taking emergency 999 calls from patients, recording details for ambulances to be dispatched and giving life saving medical instruction. You may be wondering why this is all so exciting if I didn't get the job? Well, part of the selection involved listening in on real life 999 calls.

Yeah, this really is as incredible as it sounds and the nerve racking interview was worth it just for this alone. The environment was relaxed and friendly. I was assured it's like having a second family, and I can understand why. Dispatchers deal with some very difficult and sometimes harrowing situations, never knowing what may be on the other end of the phone. I had never given this much thought until recently and I understand why the selection standards are so high.

I am not going to let rejection put me off, this is a perfect avenue for exploration. Many people seem to go from taking calls to either dispatching ambulances or actually being on the road as emergency medical technicians. I would choose the latter, and from there it's just a short jump (tonnes of money and years at uni) to being a Paramedic!

On a slightly different note, I want to mention a realisation that came to me. Five, or even three years ago, I would never have even dreamed of going for a job like this. It shows how much more confident I have become since moving to uni. I find I have more drive to do things now, more of a need to go out and see if i can grab that banana, or even reach that orange. What's the point of just sitting there and munching on bark?

Something that I have noticed only very recently though is more profound. I am not entirely sure what triggered this sudden change, I always assumed something like this took years of dedication and hard work. Well, being content with myself and living in the now has become a reality. I don't need to rush at this, or anything for that matter. I have a whole lifetime ahead of me and that has more meaning for me now than it ever has before. I am happy just being, doing things that must be done. Getting enjoyment out of the most mundane tasks. I've let go of everything that I don't need and I am moving on.

Two main elements stand out. I have goals for the future. I have memories and lessons from the past, but the rest, well that's in the past and I don't need to carry that around. Being here, now, that's what counts and that's what frees up the drive to reach my goals.

The only negative I can't draw from not knowing what brought this change on is that it may not last forever. As a result of this, I am actively pursuing (successfully in some cases) things that will help my career prospects and my sense of worth right now. Those pursuits that end up not so successful don't matter. Take the lessons and steal the show next time!

Sometimes it is just necessary to stop, look around and take a deep breath. That is where I am right now and after, I can continue with renewed vigour having benefitted from the wisdom around me.

Get back on the horse and ride

"If you haven't fallen off a horse, you haven't been riding long enough."

Part 2 of my previous post will be up soon.

Not Quite Ready

I was never quite sure where this burning desire to work as a Paramedic came from. I guess on some level I always wanted to work in health care. As a kid I would imagine that I would one day be a top surgeon in a huge hospital (probably after I realised being a scientist didn't really involve creating big explosions in test tubes). Now though, the fog has cleared. I want to do a job that's rewarding, I want to work with other people and help to make a difference. Working in an office, lab or shop to make another person rich doesn't float my boat. 

I think one day I could do this job very well. I'll be able to enter a person's life during their time of crisis and walk them through what could be an incredibly scary period of time, driven by all the right reasons. They're in pain and frightened, worried about what's going to happen to them or a loved one. This person will need someone to reassure them, make them feel safe and at ease. They need someone to remain calm and focused, someone that knows what they are doing. A paramedic must be able to do this for a patient and It's just as important as the medical aspect of their role.

But I have to ask myself, can I do that?

It's an important question, one that's not so easy to answer. I could easily turn around and shout a firm 'yes' but being sure on the outside probably isn't enough. The truth is, I'm not sure. Maybe it's something that can only be determined in an actual situation. I do know that the likelihood of failure is higher if I were to have strong lingering doubts and failing in such a situation is denying a person the right to the best support available during what could turn out to be the final day of their life.

And what if I don't like the job? Does wanting something so much automatically mean I will like it? Probably not. I want to get fit, but it doesn't mean I will like the process. I have no way of knowing until the time comes.

I think a part of me is hoping that once the uniform is on, it's almost like playing a part; I'm no longer me, I'm just another paramedic. It's impossible to know for sure. This whole question is really getting to me, mainly because if I can't do this job for some reason I'll be at a complete loss. I expect I'm over thinking the whole situation but currently I'm of the inclination that I should put off this line of work for a few more years while I work on my confidence and build up my ego a little.

If only I could stop thinking about it, I literally imagine what it's like every day. I desperately long to join the Ambulance Service. I recently came ever so close.

To be continued...

Apologies

I know, I know. I've been slacking with the blog posts. In all honesty, I haven't had anything to write about of late nor the motivation to dig something up.

I've been working at NHSBT for nearly 2 months now and I'm amazed at how fast the it's gone while annoyed at how little I've achieved outside of work. I guess this is to be expected though, getting used to the structure a new job creates alongside the new knowledge and skills I've had to gain really takes its toll mentally and physically. This is especially difficult when half the shifts start at 5am, an unearthly hour that never existed before the start of 2013. All I can say, is thank heavens for naps. In all honesty, I quite enjoy going to bed at 8pm of an evening. It's not like there's anything good on TV these days anyway (you wouldn't think I was only 21 would you?).

I'm slowly bringing my life around to where I want it. I've started eating properly again and the exercise will follow soon. I have a good job with good career prospects and the voluntary work for St John Ambulance will begin in the near future. Opposite the building I work in is an Ambulance Service Operations Center where the HART Paramedics (Hazardous Area Response Team) are based. I heard a rumour that we may be able to go over and talk to the guys to see what they get up to. I will attempt to find out more I think, this sounds like an exciting opportunity. Yes, that does mean the burning desire to be a Paramedic is still there, it really isn't a passing fling, this one is gonna stick with me for a long time. That's a good thing though, as I will have to take the long road. It's okay, I'm feeling positive.

Now, I feel it's my duty to do a little preaching here. As I work for the National Blood Service, and regularly give blood, I'm gonna pester you lot to do the same. We're in constant need of new donors and it literally takes half an hour to give a unit of blood. Ever thought of how being a Doctor and saving lives would be cool? Well, you CAN save a life without even applying for a medical degree or getting your stethoscope out. Go on, try it. Give blood.

I also just wanted to point out that my friend Stacie was recently on TV and in the Newspaper for the "From the Heart" campaign in a bid to raise awareness of organ transplantation. She's really quite inspiring and hopefully a read of this article will encourage you to at least think about becoming an organ donor. It takes seconds! You can also see her on ITV News/Daybreak in the video on her blog.

That's all from me today, I'm probably gonna go sleep now. I have a sore throat.

The Obligatory Christmas Post

Wow, it's been a while. I haven't had a chance to post as I have been pretty busy with work and all (yes, that's right... actual work!!).

I've really been enjoying my time at Bristol Mail Centre (except for Saturday's which are just hell on earth). My department takes all the reject letters and sorts them into outgoing (the rest of the country) and incoming (Bristol). There's about 60 pigeon holes to remember for three different sections and an expectation to sort 31 letters per minute! It's insanely fast paced but really quite an experience. I've also met some very interesting people, and I am getting some information on placements I can do to help with my Paramedic career off a guy from the Caribbean.

Anyway, the reason for my post is Christmas! I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed Christmas. Probably a good couple of years ago, at least. The magic I experienced when I was a kid, and even after I found out Santa Clause wasn't real had vanished and I became a Scrooge.

However, this year all of my pent up festive feelings are unleashing themselves and I've decided the build up to Christmas is by far the best part. I've already paid a visit to Bristol's German Market, had my customary German Sausage and even found myself some mulled cider! As you may have guessed, food is a huge part of my Christmas experience and I can not wait to make Christmas food and force feed it to people.

Last week I made our Christmas Tree out of a cereal box and this evening, I spent my time making mulled cider whilst listening to Christmas music. I'm in the middle of doing my Christmas shopping online, although I have no idea what I want for Christmas and my Mother is pestering my almost hourly.

Mulled Cider! As was pointed out by my housemate, it looks like a chocolate chip muffin floating around. I had to cheat slightly, as the shop was rather useless with it's spice selection.

House 269's Christmas Tree. I know it looks absolutely STUNNING, and you are all incredibly envious, but it looks ridiculously out of proportion in the corner of our living room.

Anyway, I hope you are all having a wonderful December. I shall leave you for another week. Go out and enjoy the festive spirit, don't let the Scrooge take over!

Phil.

Over the Moon

At last! I've had some luck thrown my way. I have just received a Job offer as Healthcare Technical Officer within the NHS Blood & Transplant and I'm over the moon! I will be working at Filton Blood Centre, which is the largest blood bank in the world and supplies blood to most of the hospitals within the UK. Quite an amazing place, even if it is built on a flood plain.

I had a tour around the place when I went for my interview, and it's surprisingly efficient and very much like a factory as opposed to a lab environment. I thought I'd share a few pictures to give an insight into the life saving work I'll be doing daily (at unearthly hours in the morning).

The modern new building I shall be working in (geograph.org.uk)

I'm not sure I'll ever get used to holding bags of peoples blood...  (davidhedgesphotography.com)

The whole place is set out in little pods and it's unbelievably well run. I also get to wear a ridiculous cap and special shoes. (davidhedgesphotography.com)

After being spun in a centrifuge (blood cells are pulled to the bottom while plasma sits on top), they squeeze out the plasma in these machines leaving just blood. Note the very attractive uniform! Working here definately gives you a taste of what people would look like bald. (davidhedgesphotography.com)

I believe here they are mixing the blood cells with a special saline solution so that they last for longer (BBC News)

Finally, this link takes you to a short BBC News video and shows some of what goes on inside the manufacturing hall.

From what I have gathered so far, I will be doing some form of testing. Not what I originally wanted, but I think it will be just as good as the other roles within the centre.

So it looks like I may have been saved from working at Royal Mail after all...

Have a good Weekend,

Phil.

Moments with a Purpose, or Just Coincidences?

This doesn't have a purpose, other than to help both you and I pass a little time. But then, does anything really have a purpose?

I thought I'd write about a little misadventure I had on Monday which I expect may give one or two of you a wee chuckle. Although on the surface it's quite a humorous story about how cruel Karma can be, it resonates a little deeper with myself.

After managing to lock someone in the house for an hour (yes, apparently it does happen) I decided to go for a run and I was only gone twenty minutes, tops. To my dismay, the house was locked upon my return with no signs of life from within. I even attempted the rather cliché stone throw at one of the windows (which quickly backfired as I watched it, realising it had to return to earth via either my face or my car). I spent half an hour in hope that somebody was still inside, banging on the door and letterbox. I decided to give up around the time my grumpy neighbour came outside and glared at me on his way to the local shop.

So, it slowly dawned on me that I would have to wait this one out until somebody came home, probably about five hours later at 6.30pm. What on earth does someone do in the middle of October without money or a phone? Probably not this, anyway...

Still wearing only shorts and T-shirt (with rather shaggy looking hair and muddy trainers) I decided to hide in the woods. I successfully tramped around for an hour or so, playing on steep hills near the stream and climbing trees - yes, okay, I was pretending to be Bear Grylls. As fun as this was, I needed something with more of a purpose to occupy myself for the remaining four hours. I decided to walk to Clifton Suspension Bridge (what an idiot).

I managed to make it through town, across the fields on the downs and up the hill to the bridge without too much drama, although I did get pooed on by a bird just before flying down a slippery hill. There really wasn't anything of interest to see around here considering the dense fog and cold air surrounding me, but I sat around for an hour anyway. There was a worrying moment where a lone man kept looking over the edge of the bridge and I kept hoping that if someone were to jump, they wouldn't do it while I was there*.

For those of you that run, or have even been once, know how much your legs ache for days after unless you go regularly. Well, after a 2 mile run and 4 mile walk in the cold, mine had just about dropped off. Walking the 4 miles home was pure agony and I had to dig deep to keep going (I really was tempted to lay in a field and hope someone called me an Ambulance). My shoes and socks were soaked through from cutting across fields and my hands were numb by now. I arrived home at about 6pm and someone was in. I was SO relieved (until I found out they had been in since 4.30pm!).

Anyway, the moral of the story: keys unlock doors, take them with you when you go out!

On this occasion my experience had a purpose; it really did show me that I can persevere and keep going even when things are tough and I'm running on empty. This is an important lesson and I am more determined than ever to get fit and keep pushing as hard as I can with everything in my life, including becoming a Paramedic.

Phil

*The man left after a few minutes, probably just admiring the view (or lack-of thanks to the wall fog wall about a meter from his face).

News of No Meaty Substance

I wrote this a few days ago and after re-reading I wasn't sure if I should post it or not. It's a bit long winded and not particularly related to becoming a Paramedic. However, I think It's important to stick by something that you've written so here it is.

...

Well, I did it. I have been thirty consecutive days without eating meat as a full vegetarian (unless you count the small mishap with the Cognac Jelly). I never in a million years considered that I, of all people, would give up meat and meat related products. I always thought it would be a ridiculous struggle to constantly find food to eat and meals to cook whilst being unhealthy with a lack of protein. I thought it was stupid, meaningless even; a statement that people made just because they could, to stand out from the rest silently screaming "LOOK AT ME, I DON'T EAT MEAT - GIVE ME ATTENTION".

I was wrong, in so many ways.

I had been on my meatless diet for about five days before I went home to visit my family (this was the same trip that I forgot Jelly contained Gelatin). My Mother seemed to both relish in the challenge of feeding the whole family a vegetarian meal whilst at the same time she practically cried with despair. She couldn't get her head around what on earth she was meant to prepare! She managed it in the end, and very well too - thanks Mum! I think this is a fair representation of everyone's attitude to the vegetarian diet before they attempt it.

I'm not going to try and persuade you to try because it is a very personal decision, but I have noticed so many benefits. This experiment has changed my views and in many ways, my life too. I feel as though this is a false claim because I have no proof or nothing to compare it too (as I haven't had a chance to actually eat meat again yet) but I feel much healthier now. I have noticed that there seems to be less of a fog in my mind; things seem clearer and thoughts are easier to order. I have more energy and I feel happier. I am in a pretty rough, stressful situation at the moment with ever worsening financial burdens and no job, but I find I often have a slight smile on my face.

I honestly can't put this down to not eating meat completely, I have no idea. It's just a best guess due to the stress I'm under at the moment and the lack of sleep I seem to be getting. I'm not even sure if I am eating enough calories in a day (I have lost about 2 stone in the last 3 months). I chose a bad time to try this, but I am seriously glad I did because of the environmental and health impact.

However, I did find creating meat free meals was easy as pie! I ate the same but removed the meat, and maybe added in some fake Quorn crap or some beans. Job done.

Did I crave meat? Not really. Not even Chicken. I did miss it, and vegetarian Chinese take away wasn't quite the same but I dealt with it. But on the subject of cravings, ever since I started I haven't been able to get cheese off of my mind. Whilst writing this I have eaten about half a block and I still want more.

How will I carry this forward? I'm not sure as of yet. I will probably just continue, eating little meat - maybe restricting it to special occasions.

...

Okay, So I am really clawing for something to post about at the moment. There is literally very little worth discussing regarding progress towards the ultimate goal of this blog. However, this is a small achievement and right now, small achievements are what I need.

I hope I may have inspired you to challenge yourself a little, whether it be changing your diet or braving the cold to start that new exercise regime. I know that I have inspired one of my cousins to try going Veggie for a month. I wish her luck, as I know she likes her drunk food and gravy!

Have a good week,

Phil

(I have updated my Life List as required! I am thinking about a few things I'd like to add as we speak)

To Uni, or Not to Uni? That is the Question.

I am lacking the motivation to post anything of any great intelligence or thought here at the moment. I have been rummaging around and a few tentative ideas for posts have cropped up but they need more research and all of my energy is currently aimed at finding a job (or 'moping around' as one might call it).

A midst all of this though, I have been tossing about the idea of returning to University next year to just get on with my Paramedic Sciences degree. Fueled by several Paramedic blogs I have recently come across on the internet, my desire to get into this job is just getting stronger and stronger. I really am not sure what is driving me towards this, or if I will even be able to cope with the immense responsibility that stands on the incredibly wide shoulders of emergency care practitioners (I am working on a post that goes into detail on some of the issues that Paramedics and EMT's have to deal with).

This is such a huge decision in my life, I'm really not sure what to do right now. I almost want to just 'wait and see' but things like this don't wait around. The deadline for University applications falls in mid January, meaning that I need to complete an extensive UCAS application before then, including references and a well drafted personal statement. I'm wondering if this effort will be worth it, just to decide come August that I want to put off my (second) degree for X number of years. At the moment I think a main worry is the financial commitment. I will be paying more for this 2 year foundation degree than I paid for my 3 year undergraduate degree!

After believing that it's no longer possible to 'third man' with an Ambulance crew anymore, I had given up on the hope of gaining any experience of what it might be like to carry out a role in pre-hospital care. However, I have been informed by a friend that it is still possible within some Ambulance trusts! I have begun contacting some to see if there is a possibility of doing this. I will wait and see the outcome of this before making a firm decision on the University front. It's just difficult to see a future through the 'fog' at the moment. I think I need to change my perspective and stop trying to long term plan, just get on with it. The danger is though, that I end up stuck. It happens all the time. People apply for an office job to see them through temporarily, ten years and thirty five lbs later they're still sat at the same desk with the same intentions they've always had and no plans to put these into action. I will not be one of these!

This process of becoming a Paramedic is going to take longer than I had ever previously imagined. It's difficult to be proactive, with very little to do in the mean time.

My CRB check has come back clear from St John Ambulance, meaning that I should be able to book myself onto the training sessions required. Unfortunately, I may not be able to attend my weekly group meetings. It all rests on how well my Job Interview went that I'm waiting to hear about. That's the same reason this post is being done so late tonight, so I'm not tempted to imprint my whinging onto the internet tomorrow if I get rejected!

On a final note, I have been watching Kevin McCloud's Man Made Home on Channel 4. Quite inspiring. I've even caught myself looking at land prices...

For another week perhaps, over and out.

Them Damn Butterflys Again!

It's that tight feeling in my stomach again. That horrible knot, twisting at my insides telling me to run away and hide. Oh I would love to run away and hide, but sadly I have to attend this interview. I'm half an hour early with nothing to do but sit and think of the upcoming interrogation and how stupid I'll make myself look. I should have stayed in bed a bit longer.

In all seriousness, I think we all go into things like this thinking of how stupid we might look or saying the wrong thing. As it turns out, this probably makes us more likely to fall over a chair or accidentally tell them about the time you got fired for eating all the cream cakes in the bakery. I think the key to nailing any job interview is confidence and enthusiasm, but this requires a calm mind. I wish that damn knot would go away! Maybe one of my beta blockers will help...

Writing that only took up three minutes. What do I do with the other 27? I should probably sit and think about how I can put a positive spin on my weaknesses (not sure how you make being rubbish at everything particularly positive!). I really dislike the whole interview culture. They ask the same old questions and look for the same answers time and time again. It's almost like learning lines for a big part in a play, but then you turn up and actually your only the under study. A lot of effort and an overall disappointingly heart breaking experience.

It may sound like I'm being down hearted and lacking the enthusiasm I mentioned was key to job interviews, but I'm not. I'm really quite positive. Maybe because this is a christmas temp job as a mail center sorter and If I don't get it, I should be put down.

Seven minutes down, 23 to go. Oh time flies when you're having fun.

On Monday, I have my second interview for a role within the NHS at Southmead Hospital. I'm really hopeful I will get one of the two positions available as there are only about 6 candidates. 1 in 3 chance, not bad huh? Especially when the only real requirements were to "be able to understand english and follow instructions". I think I may qualify, don't you?

Nine minutes have passed now. I guess I should stop writing and begin the nervous pacing around the living room for the remaining 21.

Phil

Introducing My Gallery

One of the many incredible Cuban sunsets taken from this deserted Treasure Island

 Just a quick post today before I write a more in depth one later this week. I basically wanted to introduce My Gallery (you can find a permanant link at the top of my blog in the navigation bar). I have decided to show off some of my photography on here in the hope that it might get a few more views than it currently does. Think of it as a bit of self advertisement! I may consider producing a better website for it in the future, but for now this'll do!

If you want to see more of my work, then please visit my Deviant Art Gallery. I would also be thrilled if you were to comment on them as I'm always looking for ways to improve and love hearing peoples opinions.

Thanks guys!

Phil

A Day In the Future

I can see my warm breath condensating before my eyes as it meets the cold, crisp air around me. I'm walking briskly through a forest, dried leaves crunching underfoot with my Border Collie, Molly, at my heels. The low morning sunshine is gleaming through the gaps in the branches above me, highlighting the surrounding reds and golds. The air feels clean and refreshing against my skin, turning it pink as my body tries to keep warm. I'm wrapped up in a thick coat and scarf with a wooly hat and a smile spread across my face.

My farmhouse is only about a mile away now and I'm looking forward to stepping into the kitchen, heated warm by the roaring fire. I'll take my wellies off and leave them on the doormat before putting the kettle on to settle down with a hot cup of tea. Molly lays by the fire to doze, content now she's had her exericse for the day. I'm unsure of what I'm going to do with the rest of the day, maybe drive into the village in my Land Rover to pick up some milk. I should probably tidy some of the vegetable plots up too and prepare them for the long, sleepy winter ahead. I might get around to finishing one of the three books I've started later this evening too.

We've had a beautiful Summer with nice hot weather. Perfect for the garden, especially the fruit and vegetable harvest. But now is the best time of the year. It's Autumn.

...

Okay, so It's not quite Autumn yet. The leaves are still green and the hope for a few more lasting days of warm weather are around us. But there is something strangely refreshing and invigorating about my favourite season. It's the inbetween phase between the hot, warm Summer and the cold, miserable Winter. I'm looking forward to wrapping up warm and going out to explore. I have an amazing view of the allotments behind our house, and the woods behind that. It will be fun to watch this view change over the coming months for the first time - a small picture of tranquility in the middle of this busy City.

For the first time in quite a while, I've woken up early and I feel motivated and inspired! I watched Grand Designs with a cup of tea and decided that I would seise the day. I'm going to go out this afternoon and find somewhere in the middle of nowhere to take photos and enjoy the first hints of my favourite season.

...

As a lot of you may already know, I have finally obtained my degree with a 2:1! This is amazing news, as for a long time I doubted I would get there and I was so close to giving up on many occasions. I would like to thank everyone that helped and encouraged me to get to the end.

...

It's official, I have begun my 30 consecutive days of being a Vegetarian. It's not so easy, and I'm struggling a little. I'm going home for a week tomorrow and it will be interesting to see how my family adapt and what we all do about food. The last day will be October 18th, and I'm looking forward to writing about how it's affected my life, if at all.

I do have plans for actual content in my future blog posts, but once again the need for a creative outlet arose. This is that outlet and I hope this post makes you excited at the thought of changing weather and not miserable (as most people probably would feel).

I have found the source of my inspiration, if only a temporary one. How about taking a few moments to think over yours, and refresh them in your mind? It might do you the world of good.

Phil.

Now and Then; Literally

Long term happiness and productivity is the aim, and the wheels have been set in motion. But what about the short term? What about now?

My interview for St John Ambulance was great, and now I just need to wait the 6 weeks for my CRB check to clear. Although it's only 6 weeks, that is hell of a long time to just 'wait'. This is kind of what I mean, I have ideas for the future and that's great. I will enjoy that when the time comes. But what about now? That's where I'm struggling. There is nothing for now and it's because I've been too busy planning for the future, but as the old saying goes; tomorrow never comes.

For some reason it's been wired into my brain that the key to happiness and fulfilment lies with what I plan to do, and to a certain extent that will be key to my happiness, but for then and not now. It seems that I need to change this way of thinking and start doing things for today, for now. If I don't then I'm always only going to be 'happy in the future'.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here, it's not so easy to put into words. It just seems like a massive realisation to me. A better way to put it might be that we all have stuff to look forward to, but what do we do while we wait for them? Nothing is probably the answer, and then once this exciting event passes we again do nothing until the next exciting event. I think the true source of happiness is either from enjoying this 'nothing' or from turning this 'nothing' into something, not from collecting a series of events so that we can brag about them. I always think I would enjoy doing nothing, but in all honesty it sends me stir crazy and saps everything from me, leaving nothing left to enjoy the moment. Is this what they call motivation?

I'm struggling with motivation, probably because I'm planning for the future at the moment. I'm trying to get things to fall into place, but these things are long term and it leaves nothing for the short term except for existing, and this doesn't provide me with any happiness or fulfilment. It is also much easier to commit to something in 6 weeks time because I don't have to face it now, giving the illusion of motivation.

So. In short, I have no motivation for the now. When the future does rock around, I will feel compelled to do whatever it is I had planned because it would be harder to back out. This doesn't sound like something I want to do. I want to volunteer because I enjoy it and I get fulfilment out of it, not because I thought it would be a good idea six weeks ago.

How do I go about changing this view? I will let you know when I find out, I feel I'm not the only one out there with this problem.

This isn't really what I wanted to do in this post and I'm not sure it's achieved what I wanted (I may come back to it when I've had a bit more of a think about it). It has turned into a bit of a jumbled rant and I doubt even I could make sense of it if I were to read over it again and I do apologise, but I feel my this may be key to my success some day and should be posted.

...

On a lighter note to end, I tried to get some information from Cancer Research UK about their fund raising processes and now they seem to think I want to raise £10,000 for them and won't stop ringing me. I don't know how I manage to get myself into these sticky situations.

I will actually try to leave it a week before I post anything else, I get a bit carried away!

Until then, have a good weekend!

Phil

My Life List

I was reading my new favourite blog and discovered the writer has a life list. I looked into it, and he's written a very good article about how most people write lists of wishes and never get around to doing them because they are of a huge nature and do not fit into what they want from life. He made a good point of saying life wishes should actually be goals as opposed to something that will be forgotten about and brushed off as life's youthful desires.

So, because of this I have decided to make my own life list using the guidelines and advice set out in his blog post, which you can read here if at all interested.

I actually only really wanted somewhere to put this list where it would be out of the way so as not to clutter up my room but accessible so I can check on it from time to time, and do any necessary 'pruning'. However, I have been unable to find any good websites for this so it's going on my blog instead, and I thought I'd make a short post about it.

Would love to see what ideas other people come up with!

And without further ado, here is my list (it will also be present on a permanant page where it will be updated. Also, consider it a living, breathing thing as it will forever change - such as more books will be added, but this requires research. I'm not happy with the categories either and will shuffle them around one day):

Achieved: 7/59

TRAVEL

1. Road Trip around North America

2. InterRail around Scandinavian Europe

3. Visit Indonesia

4. Visit the Galapagos

5. Explore South America

6. Visit Antarctica

7. InterRail around Eastern Europe

8. Visit New Zealand/Australia

9. Explore the wilderness of Canada

10. Visit Asia

11. Explore the area that I grew up (Scotland)

SKILLS & KNOWLEDGE

12. Complete the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Nintendo 64)

13. Complete the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Nintendo 64) without cheating

14. Learn to drive - COMPLETED (October '08)

15. Write a will

16. Learn a classical piece of music on the piano

17. Learn Spanish

18. Obtain an University degree - PROGRESS - SO close now

19. Complete my Gold Duke of Edinburgh Award

20. Have a go at developing my own photos

21. Read Of the Origin Of Species

22. Finish reading The Lord of the Rings

23. Go on a scientific expedition - COMPLETED (April '12) - Expedition to Punta Francés on the Isle of Youth, Cuba where I scuba dived on Coral reefs and carried out research in the forest.

24. Hold a Tarantula - COMPLETED (April '12) - Held a Tarantula in Cuba (did not overcome my fear of spiders though).

25. Give Blood - COMPLETED (May '12) - Gave blood for the first time. I now aim to continue giving blood for the forseeable future.

26. Visit a large American Theme Park

27. Fly in a Hot Air Balloon

28. Fly in a Glider - COMPLETED (Circa 2005) - Flew a Glider myself. Pretty incredible experience.

29. See the Northern Lights

30. SCUBA dive on Coral Reefs - COMPLETED (April '12) - Part of the scientific expedition to cuba. This was one of the best weeks of my life to date. Worth all the time put in to achieve this, and will be looking to do it again in the future.

31. Build my own House

32. Complete 100 hours of voluntary work

33. Be a vegetarian for atleast 30 days

34. Wild camp in the Scottish Highlands for atleast 3 nights

35. Travel by plane and train in 1st class

36. Own Chickens

37. Grow and eat my own Vegetables and Herbs

38. Live with Friends - COMPLETED (September '10 onwards) - Lived with friends in my second year of uni, and still live with friends now that I have left uni.

39. Bring up a puppy and see it through life

40. See a famous band live

41. Skydive

CAREER

42. Become a fully qualified Paramedic

43. Become an air ambulance Paramedic

FINANCES

44. Own a VW Camper Van

45. Own my own house outright

46. Pay my Father back

47. Own 100 CD's

48. Own atleast 2 acres of land

49. Sell 10 different prints of photos that I have taken

50. Become debt free

51. Raise £10,000 for Charity

RELATIONSHIPS & FAMILY

52. Get Married

53. Have Children

54. Have Grand Children

PHYSICAL FEATS

55. Run a Half Marathon

56. Complete 200 consecutive sit ups

57. Complete 100 consecutive push ups

58. Trek to Everest Base Camp

59. Climb Mt. Kilimanjaro

Blood, Phones, Spiders, New Targets and More!

So, I felt pretty rubbish yesterday when I woke up. I won't lie, I don't think I got out of bed until about 1.30pm. However, after a lot of mental effort I managed to turn my day around and make something of it. I think the exercise I did really helped actually. I meant to go for a run today, but I'm giving blood later and I felt absolutely horrific after I gave blood last time. I was suprised how much it wiped me out! This is where I would normally suggest something out of my control that contributed to my weakness so I'm not to be blamed, but other than having a cold at the time I've got nothing.

On a related note, I've been asked to take part in a massive blood donation trial. The NHS Blood & Transplant are trying to decide if it's safe to reduce the wait time between each blood donation. They've already reduced mens to just 12 weeks, but if it can be reduced further then more blood can be donated safely. You can read more... here!

I have managed to downgrade my phone 'phobia' to just a plain 'dreaded fear' over the last few days because I've been forced to make about a million phone calls. This will probably just be a temporary downgrade, but it's progress nether-the-less (similar to holding a tarantula in Cuba and becoming petrified of spiders again upon return to home).

Yes, that is someone holding me in place. Clearly thought I was going to run away to get out of holding that hideous creature! I don't know why, it only took me about 20 minutes to work up the nerves...

Anyway, moving on to the main topic of todays post. I've had a bit of an obsession with Mt. Everest for a long time now and I can only dream of climbing it. I would give my right arm to be able to say I've managed to climb to the top of the world and back again. However, lots of people die and I'm not sure it's particularly doable in the near future, especially with the huge cost and my lack of climbing experience. HOWEVER, something that is doable, and something which I want to do hell of a lot is to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa.

Kilimanjaro has always interested me from a Biological aspect because as you ascend you pass through five different biomes, making it incredibly unique (plus I want to see the hippos). And lets be honest, who doesn't want to stand on the snowy summit and be able to say you're actually in Africa?! The summit stands at 19,341 ft which is pretty close to the height of Everest base camp (the summit of Everest stands at 29,029 ft).

Uhuru Peak, Mt. Kilimanjaro

I have a friend who wants to do this with me, and we've been talking about it for years but yesterday we finally decided to actually do it. We've set ourselves the challenge of doing it in Summer 2014 and will be climbing for charity (suggestions for charities are welcome, although I will probably have Cancer Research as my main charity and will receive half of what's raised). We will each be aiming to raise £10,000 which sounds a lot, but it's only a donation of £2 from 5,000 people.

I had the idea (actually, my mother did) of creating a blog for people to follow about the build up and climb itself, but access costs a one time donation of £2. This goes to charity and people get something of interest (hopefully) to follow, and to see what they are getting for their donation. I'm not sure how this will go down, so please leave a comment below and let me know what you think of this idea! I would really appreciate it. I would also like to know if you think putting an ad in a national paper is a good idea? I've looked up prices and it's not too expensive for a small advert in the Sunday Times (2.6 million readers per week). Of course I will be training and doing other sponsored... stuff, not just sitting on my fat arse typing in a blog every week and spending the charity money on KFC...

Talking of KFC, I have decided (I think) to try being a vegetarian. Prepare yourself for some preaching about the environment...

The amount of damage to the environment caused by meat production is MASSIVE. The carbon emissions amount to much more than cars produce, and of course we are running out of food and water. Eating meat is also incredibly inneficient (animals eat plants and lets say only 20% of the plant energy is used in animals, then we eat the animals and only 20% of their energy is used in our bodies) so just eating vegetables cuts out the middle man, so to speak. I went on one of them calculator things (from the PETA website) and it told me if I was to become vegan (eugh, don't worry I'm not that crazy) I would save 15120 animals from dying and 178,200 lbs of Carbon Dioxide emissions which amounts to the same as driving an SUV 185,954 miles. I've also heard it's healthy and makes your body feel better.

This will be incredibly challenging for the simple reason that I LOVE MEAT.

And last thing, I promise. I found a blog recently and having read through some of the posts I found it incredibly interesting and thought provoking. I don't know if it's your cup of tea (whoever 'you' are) but you can find it HERE.

Oh, I will get around to updating the layout soon, I err... promise. I get my results sometime in the near future too, so I will keep you posted about that (unless it's bad news). Finally I will get around to doing a Paramedic-y related posted in the near future, and keep you updated on my St John Ambulance interview next Tuesday!

I think that is about it, although I swear I had more to write about (probably a good job for you I can't remember it)! Oh, and if you fancy paying my rent for me this month then feel free to contact me!

Have a good week,

Phil


Kilimanjaro Peak Image: Activus Outdoors

Something to Keep us all Going

I realise that finding a Job is going to be quite draining. I'll have nothing to do except for endlessly sending out my CV and looking for online application forms. I don't need to do this for three or more weeks to know that I will feel like crap pretty quickly. It'll just be one of them things that is unavoidable and I will have to find things to keep my spirits up.

This video never fails to make me smile and feel good, which is why I wanted to share it. I hope it has a similar effect on everyone else too. Oh and I recommend watching with the sound turned on, the music is pretty cool.

Excuse the title, it's not as crude as it sounds!

Artist's Website

Realisation

Inspirations and perspective come from the strangest of places. In this case, I guess I can blame the TV show Man V Food (who doesn't love watching Adam Richman stuffing his face with a giant burger?!).

The other day, me and a housemate got talking about travelling around America to sample all the amazing foods and it ended in a serious conversation about where we would go, how we would do it and expenses etc. I've always wanted to travel and have wondered when I would get around to it. After a bit of googling, we discovered it could cost about £5,000 for 6 months in the states which will take a lot of saving up! Not to mention getting 6 months off of work.

I already have some tentative travel plans for the future as well, and the list of places I want to visit is endless. It was this conversation that started off my thought process (no "You? Thinking?!" jokes please). It hit me, that I'm only 21 and I have a good fifty years until retiring age, atleast (fingers crossed). I don't have to become a Paramedic anytime soon.

Don't get me wrong, it is my lifes ambition to join the NHS ambulance service but maybe I would benefit from taking my time to get there. It's not an easy decision to make and I'm going to have to think about it a lot, but after weighing up my options it seems that maybe I should get a job and save up to travel. It would mean I don't have to take huge amounts of time off while working as a Paramedic, but I can gain some kind of clinical experience and do voluntary work instead. The way I see it is I have one of two directions to choose. A lot of people say things like 'better people take the harder, less travelled path' but I think this is more of a case of enjoyment. I'm not really sure.

Anyway, I could ramble on for a long time with my thoughts going in circles. I think you get the picture and I really have a lot of thinking to do. I guess what I can take from this for the immediate future is that I have plenty of time and I should just slow down.

 ...

I also watched the BBC 999 Awards last week. I have to say, it was really good to see that the emergency services are getting some sort of public recognition for the incredible jobs they all do. I also couldn't help noticing that they all mentioned teamwork as a huge part of what they do, and they couldn't have done it without their crewmates. I think it just goes to show what sort of people do these life saving jobs. Incredibly selfless and humble, all they care about is helping people and doing their job well.

...

I hope this didn't sound too jumbled, I wrote this a while ago. I didn't want to change any of it because it kind of captures my confusion and thought process at the time, while it was fresh.

Finally, my exams are over and done with and I am all moved in! The latter went well, and I am not sure about the first. I guess we'll see soon.

I am off to a family gathering tomorrow night and I hope you all have a great weekend! Catch you next week.

Busy, Busy, Busy!

Just a quick note to say that there won't be any blog post this week, or until late next week. I'm currently in full revision mode (basically wishing I was elsewhere and trying to find ANYTHING possible to distract me, even for 30 seconds). I'm also moving house on Sunday so I'm spending my evenings packing all my junk into boxes (there is A LOT).

Have a good weekend!

P.S. When I get a spare moment, I am going to make/find a new layout because the amount of blue is quite disgusting.

All Is Not Lost

All is not lost, I guess.

I got a rejection from the GWAS for the Student Paramedics job. This was a bit of a bummer. Even though I knew the chances of getting it were incredibly slim, there was still a part of me that held some hope. I'm just angry that all they gave me was an automated 'good luck with your career' email and they won't give me a reason why, although I think I already know what it is. It would be nice to have some sort of confirmation.

I am going to book my C1 driving licence medical exam next week, which I have found out will cost me £120 (which is ridiculous)! Althouh I'm incredibly worried about my eyesight and the requirements. I wear glasses, and my eyesight is fine with them - but the DVLA require a certain amount of vision without corrective lenses (3/60 acuity on the Snellen chart - this is basically reading the largest letter on the chart with no glasses/contact lenses at a distance of 3m) which I really don't think I have. My prescription is about -5.5 so the vision is not so great. I don't know what I will do if I can't get this licence - I will have to give up on my dreams of being a Paramedic, the thought of which is gut wrenching.

Now I need to find something new to aim towards for the time being. God only knows what that will be.

Over and out.